So... from the time I was 2 years old until I was 15 my step-grandfather molested and raped me on multiple occasions... When I was 17, I was raped by my boyfriend at the time and he gave me chlamydia. (I’m cured now it’s just a couple pills you have to take but that’s something I have to carry with me forever and I still have to tell doctors about it.. it’s embarrassing) My current boyfriend Masons saved me from him. (We’ve been together 3 years now. ) But a year after that happened, I was walking my dog and a man pushed me down in the woods and not only did he rape me he punched me down there repeatedly until he had ripped me open and I was bleeding everywhere.. he had on huge rings that cut my insides.... he said “I love it when you bleed. You’re my bloody little trophy, and I’m going to be inside of you forever. Just like I am now inside your head.”.... Throughout my childhood, I blocked it out, I ignored it. It was just a secret that I had to keep. When I was 16, it was just because I was stupid and my boyfriend promised he would protect me and he took care of the man that hurt me.... so I didn’t get over it as much as I didn’t have to think about it all the time... so it got better. I got better. Kind of. But the man in the woods... He broke me. Not just physically but psychologically I finally broke into pieces. Now I hear his voice.. and the others.. but mostly his. ALL THE TIME. And all I can see it the bloody gravel... and I can still feel it. It still hurts... I can feel everything. It’s still happening. And I don’t know what to do. I know physically that’s impossible. But everyday. Every night. I started to burn myself with matches to make it go away, but it only works sometimes. And Mason holds me and tries to make me feel safe, but he doesn’t understand. And I can’t talk about it to him because he feels guilty like it was his fault the last time... I don’t know what to do, and I have no one to talk to. So if anyone has any advice... or knows any good help... it’s been happening for 2 years now.. and I want to kill myself nearly everyday just to make it stop. Mason is my only reason for living... I don’t know how to stop it. So, my question is how do I make it stop? And is it still happening for anyone else..? Or am I just insane...

Update: I just spent a week in the psych hospital for treatment. I got on some good medications and am actually feeling hopeful for the first time in what feels like forever. Thank you all for your concern. I feel like I’m on the road to a better place.