I haven't particularly liked my father in law for some time- for various reasons related to me, my daughter, and my husband- but I've made an effort to involve him in our lives.

My husband has had his dad's old car for some time now, he got it as a teen and we've never had an issue with it. My husband pays the insurance but his dad always refused to move the insurance into my husband's name, something about saving money and he's always been weird about that kind of thing, idk.

Well my husband totaled this car in an accident a couple weeks ago, someone else ran a stop sign. The insurance company was going to obviously give money for the cost of the car and my father in law refused to let us handle the claim (even though I insisted because I don't trust him/rely on him one bit) but he was, after all, the policy holder....

We waited a long time and finally his dad told us we were going to get $1,000 for the car. We were shocked, needed more for a down payment on our next car, and researched the value of the car to fight the insurance company.

About a week later his dad told us we'd get $3,300 for the car. We were happier but I was still skeptical that his dad wasn't lying to us because it should have been worth more. My husband defended his dad relentlessly, saying over and over how he would never lie and how his dad promised it was the whole amount and he's a good person and knows we can't live with one car etc.

Well finally my husband called the insurance company to find out the status of the claim because it was taking a while, turns out they're giving us twice as much as his dad claimed. His dad first came up with an excuse saying he had to pay of insurance for the car (what...) and then when he realized we knew that wasn't true said my husband owed him money for a long list of things, but too long to go into.

My husband was pretty devastated because he puts his crappy dad on this pedestal and thinks he's such a great guy. It'd be one thing if he told us he had bills he had to pay or something, but he was weird and lied about it and then continued to lie about it and I truly believe it comes from a place of greed.

Money aside, I feel entirely taken advantage of. I am the major money maker in our family and will be buying this new car and making the payments and that extra down payment would make a huge difference. Also, my family is relatively well off (nothing crazy but they work good jobs) and would never hesitate to lay down and give us the shirts off their backs, and they have helped a ton, most recently but lending a large amount for the down payment on our house. I feel like his family has no problem taking advantage of their hard work and generosity and maybe expects them to give more money for this new car.

I did not grow up with family members like this and I have no interest in being a part of family that treats each other like that, nor having role models for my daughter like that. I have a dad who I'll always love because he's my dad, but I know he'll never meet my daughter or be involved in our lives because he is toxic in his own way. My husband's family is the only family that lives near us and I want to cut them out entirely. How do I cope? What is the right thing to do? We'll certainly cope without the money, but I have no interest in trusting or talking to this family again right now.