Here I stand, once again the one left behind... I mean, by now you know how this plays out.. You make a friend, spend endless days and nights talking, making plans, supporting each other, know each other's fertility battles inside out.. Discussing every fertility tip, scrutinize the Internet together for solutions on pcos and endometriosis, together Secretly swearing at the girl who got pregnant on her first try or rolling eyes together at the pregnant ladies complaining or rubbing their pregnancy in your face ... And then, it happens (for the 5th time in 3 years for me.. That best friend gets pregnant) .. And yes, you are whole heartedly happy for your newly pregnant best friend, but then in a few short moments, your friend forgets and turns into exactly the pregnant ladies you both rolled eyes at befor... You are still left behind in the world of (secondary) infertility, and even though your happy for the friend, you don't want to face the complaints of morning sickness and niggling pains of baby growing, or the endless chats about how tired she is, all the feelings you so wish to feel.. The pregnancy tests she takes and sends you photos of everyday to watch her hcg grow, with the two beautiful lines as a constant reminder that you only have one line.. Suddenly its like your pregnant friend forgets the battle, and forget what you are still going through... And then, as a hard blow in your stomach, Another period arrives, or another new diagnosis derails your best efforts.. This pregnancy, my greatest wish for you, My newly pregnant friend... Oh how i wish i could tell you, and that you will understand.. Im not jealous, im just dealing with another empty hand..