So, me and this guy named Kevin had started out being friends by him helping me with physics. He knew I was struggling with the subject and agreed to help me. We studied for hours together at night and he took hours upon hours to help me understand a topic and was very patient.

I had been going through severe depression from being bullied by a pervious guy and his friends and being assaulted so I had a fear of men. But over time around Kevin I felt safe. He listened to be vent for hours. Let me call him every night till 1 am to cry and rant. He was the best person and the person I needed in my life. At the time my dad was abusive and my mother had gone to a nursing home. He was there for me all along.

I felt attached but didn’t feel attracted to him fully. However he looked like he was in love with me. I later lashed out at him and cut him off because he sometimes would make jokes that were hurtful and would tell me I need to grow thick skin. He knew I was hyper aware of hurtful commentary because of me being taunted previously. He sometimes was a bit mean spirited. I ghosted him for winter break.

Knowing he was hurtful and couldn’t supply me with what my depressed self needed I couldn’t take it. Months later something traumatized me and I couldn’t cope with my anxiety. I call him again and he is more than willing to speak for me for hours to advise me. I tell him I’m sorry and he says that’s fine we can be friends still. And then I apologize and tell him I made a mistake and want to date him. He rejects me on the spot.

At that time I wasn’t ready to date him because of religious reasons and told him that I would Consider him if he wanted to be more serious. He called me old fashioned and made me feel ashamed for my beliefs. My feelings for him were so strong that my depression started again. I failed my first two assignments in school and am having trouble breathing. When he found out I was doing bad in school he got really worried. I’m in so much pain and I wish I never knew him. I loved him so much and he hurt me and I hurt him. How do I cope?j