Okay so I'm currently not with my child's father. I am so in love with him, he is the guy I want to be with. However, we aren't together because he has some growing up to do and he really did me wrong. I can't continue to put myself in positions where I'm depressed and sad and miserable waiting for him to grow up and work through his issues. I wanted to be there with him and work through them together but itshard bc the way he treated me just did so much damage. Right now I can't be with him.

He is the only person I've had sex with in the last 5yrs. He's the only guy I've given attention to.

I recently started talking to a guy I met a few years ago. He got out of a long relationship about 7months ago and I've been healing from mine for about three months. I'm no where near ready to be in a new relationship and I honestly just wanna be with my child's father eventually but I can't help but love this attention and I feel so guilty.

I don't look at this guy and think oh I wanna be with him seriously but I do love how he talks to me and makes me feel appreciated and beautiful.

Sooooooooo we went on a few dates and he was so respectful and we are both really open with our pasts and talking about all the lows of a breakup has been healing. He planned out third date out and it was honestly so cute.

He told me to meet me at his place and he drove us to dinner and then after dinner he had a night out at this cool bar and then we met with our mutual friends at the club. He kissed me in the club for the first time. It was just a peck. We went back to his place and I swore he was going to try and have sex. He didn't, we laid in bed and talked for hours. No kidding, no toyching other than cuddling a bit, and he was totally appropriate.

Ok so the next day he's like yah I didn't wanna try anything bc I didn't want to ruin the night and complicate anything or make you wonder or feel uncomfortable. He was like I really just like you and don't want things to change. So sweet

We ended up going out two more times and this time we actually hooked up.... and let me tell you 😩

So we were out for his bday and then he was like lets leave and I'm like

We left his party like an hour early and went to his house. We both were a little drunk and we laid on the floor. We talked about everything. It's hard to get time to see him bc mom life is first. We went to go lay in bed and he gave me pajamas to change into.

We are laying in bed and we start kissing and he's being so sweet. Guys I'm not gonna lie I was so scared his dick was gonna be small bc.... well idk he just looks like it wouldn't be big and I felt it and that thang was sooooo long. And it was thick too. It had a little curve to it. So I'm like 👀

We are making out and he starts kissing my tummy and my thighs and making me all squirmy. I was so nervous I was kinda shaking. I hadn't been with someone else in forever. It felt so foreign. He asked if this was okay and I said yes and then omg he got so freaky.

He gave me head and was fingering me and I was genuinely shocked bc like

I never orgasm from guys I've been with. Only my child's father bc I'm so comfortable around him but he was literally touching all the right spots. He was like I'm a real man I'll take care of you and get you right and I'm like damn okay.

So he's kissing me and sucking on my boobs and just doing this whole foreplay thing so right. I decide I'll give him head.

I pushed him down and pulled his pants down... omg so big. I was like ok I got this, this is where I shine. So I start giving him head and he's shocked. He sat up and was like omg. I'm looking him in the eye and I push him back down. You can tell he's trying not to cum so fast. I stop giving head bc he's like wait wait and I lay back down. He lays next to me and is like omg I cant believe this.

We are flirting and having some pillow talk and then he pushes me over to my side and puts his dick on my butt and presses it on there. He's telling me all about how he's going to fuck me and what he's going to do to make me cum. He's talking so dirty I'm starting to forget my morals.

He grabs my neck and pulls me back to kiss him. He asks if he can put the tip in and I'm like fuck it.

So he gets on top and slides just the tip in. He's teasing me and all I keep thinking about is how bad this is. I finally can't take it and I pull him all the way in and tell him to go deep.

Ugh then in the morning he wakes me up by giving me head.

Guys.... I can't believe I did that. I also feel bad bc he's so into me and I'm into my child's father but I love being bad with him. I love how he wants me tocum so bad and I love feeling this power. Can't help. But feel a little guilty tho