My husband doesn’t abuse me, at least not physically. Sometimes it feels like mental abuse. Nothing really crazy, just exceptionally rude in small ways at every possible turn...I think it mostly stems from impatience. And he’s not an especially warm person. He kind of treats me like you would a coworker you don’t really like! Professional to a degree with just a hint of dick.

We went to Home Depot this morning. He decides we should head for the pro line bc it’s closer to the car. I say the line looks long but follow him anyway not to poke the bear. The person ahead of us has checkout issues and he huffs at me. CAN YOU PLEASE GO GET IN THE OTHER LINE?!? the other line at the other end of the store...ok...no need to flip out! Especially when you chose this line! Then instead of scanning items he starts piling them next to the scanner and says WELL ARE YOU GOING TO SCAN THEM?!!!

Then this evening...We’re heading to bed. He generally announces its bed time and you have 30 seconds to comply or be left in a pitch black house stumbling around. I make it to our bathroom “on time”, pick up the toothpaste and as he’s walking in comment on how stained my lips look for some reason. He completely ignores that I said anything, rips the toothpaste out of my hand to brush his own teeth and asks if I plan to take all night.

Such small things, but this is my life on a daily basis. The phrases I hear most often are

Hurry up

Why is this here?

Waiting on you, as per usual

Can you wash this?

Can you clean the cats box? (his job, since we’re ttc and I handle the dogs mess)

Can you clean this up?

The other day the cat puked in the middle of the kitchen. He came down as I was grabbing a rag from laundry room. With rag in hand I start to say the cat puked in the kitchen... careful not to step in it. But he cuts me off b4 I get to the last part, saying clean it up I’m not your fucking maid. So I say I am cleaning up! I was getting this rag to do that right now! I was just telling you so you don’t step in it. Calm the fuck down. And he called me a liar to my face even though I’m standing there at 6am holding a rag and spray bottle already walking towards the mess?!??

It’s like he doesn’t even like me. I definitely don’t like him most days. He leaves for work very early and even if I wake up I pretend to sleep rather than “interrupt his morning”. Yesterday I had to go somewhere and knew he was on his way home. We would have overlapped 5-10 minutes but I practically ran to my car to be out before he got home. It’s not that I didn’t want to see him, but I didn’t want to hear all the things I’d done wrong since waking up that morning.

I handle all of our bills. If he’s even aware of one, he just reminds me to deal with it and gets mad if I don’t, like increasing h/o insurance. He always makes me call for takeout orders bc “he doesn’t know the number” and “they don’t know his number” and “he doesn’t know what I eat”. And if they get his order wrong!!!! Look out!!

It’s just always my fault and I’m so tired of it. I suggested counseling a few times and he flat out said no, we should talk more. But when I talk he ignores me or responds with asshole comments like these. I just don’t know anymore.