So on January 12th we went in to get my 20 week anatomy scan (was 20w&4d at the time). We found out that day that we are having a beautiful baby boy! I went through the rest of the scan in happy tears 😂😍.. then at the end of the sonogram the happy tears were suddenly curve balled into actual tears 😣😥😢😭... We were lucky to get the same ultrasound technician for all of our previous scans as well and normally she would just hand us the pics she printed with a smile and send us out to schedule our next appointment, this time however, she didn't have that same smile on her face when she handed us our baby's ultrasound photos. Instead she said "please wait here while I get the doctor to give you a consult on my findings, it will just be a few moments". Now, I already struggle with anxiety and panic attacks so just the combination of her facial expression and what she said to us made me extremely anxious. I didn't know what to expect and tried to brush it off as standard procedures for an anatomy scan... But I couldn't brush off her facial expression and that kept me on edge. After a few minutes of waiting the doctor came in and told us "congrats on the baby boy! you must be excited?!" We agreed and said we were thankful for our healthy baby boy. She then proceeded to say "That's wonderful, he is measuring very well and his heartbeat is exactly where we like it to be.." then came the "However, after further review of the scan it appears the bottom edge of your placenta covering your cervix and I noticed it is anterior instead of posterior (so it's in front not back of the baby). Have you had any bleeding?" I assured her that I had not had any since implantation and she continued "well I also noticed there is a significant blood clot between the cervix and the placenta, meaning that at some point, probably during intercourse, the placenta was aggravated and bled a little, are you sure you haven't noticed any blood, no spotting?" Again, I reassured her that I hadn't seen any. She responded with "okay well from now on you need to be on pelvic rest, that means absolutely NO intercourse, nothing is to penetrate the vagina, no orgasms or heavy activities or lifting." I asked her if there was a problem with the baby and she said "no not right now. but what you have is a form of placenta previa and it can be dangerous to you and your baby if the placenta starts to bleed. You need to watch for any signs of bleeding and if you see any go to the emergency department. I will need to see you back for a transvaginal ultrasound between 30 and 32 weeks gestation." I asked her what placenta previa could mean in terms of delivery, if it's covering the cervix? She replied "well that's why I need to see you again around 30 weeks, we need to see if the placenta moves up and off the cervix in order to determine whether or not you will have to have a cesarean delivery. We think that as the baby and your uterus grow that it should push it up and out of the way. However, if it doesn't move then we will have to schedule you for a cesarean delivery, in which I should warn you that because of the placenta being anterior a c-section could be dangerous in some ways. If the placenta is lying where the surgeon needs to perform then we could run into complications. Because if he cuts it, it could bleed and that could be life threatening to you and the baby." I stared at her, completely in shock, I believe I wasn't even breathing.. the she said "So we will have you weighed and get your vitals before you go out to the lobby to schedule you next visit. We will see you back soon! Have a good day."... I think I was in shock for the next 25 minutes while they got my vitals and weight and when I went out to the lobby to wait for scheduling I started to melt. I did my best holding back the tears but once I got to the car that was it. I completely broke down. My honey held me and tried to calm me down, telling me "it will be ok, it will move and everything will go just fine."

But if any of you have panic disorder, you know all too well, how much your mind just races with all the different horrible outcomes of any given situation. Fast forward to today, I am 24 weeks and 3 days now and I still have major anxiety. I can feel him kicking which is a huge mental relief but when he sleeps it all rushes back, especially if I even feel the slightest pain. The anticipation of the next scan is killing me, and I wish there was one sooner that 30-32 weeks. It just seems too close to term for comfort. Idk. 😣😥😢😭😭😭 I just keep trying to tell myself it will be okay, but thats easier said than done. Good luck with all of your pregnancies and best wishes to all your beautiful babies!! Thanks for reading!