So i’ve recently been questioning my first time having sex, which happened 4 years ago.

I was 15, and he was 16 and not a virgin. We had been a couple for a while, and one day he was pressuring me to sleep with him, saying things like “I know you want to”, “Come on, it’ll be great” and he was kind of forcing himself on me etc etc.

I was definitely NOT ready AT ALL, but i said “okay” even though i didn’t want to sleep with him. I’m pretty sure it was 100% clear that I didn’t want it, I mean usually you can tell if you are desired sexually or not by people, and i was definitely not giving off those vibes (but then again consent is a very complicated thing so I don’t know).

I’m pretty sure he didn’t realise what he was doing and how it affected me, we were both very young and I don’t think he really thought about how i felt. Although, it is very clear that he didn’t respect me.

So basically I was wondering what all of you thought about this story, and what are your opinions on consent and rape, because there are times when consent is very simple to understand, and times like these where I question the whole thing as even though I didn’t want to sleep with him I still agreed to it, so I wonder when to consider certain situations as rape, or if that really even matters and I should just have my own interpretation of it.

Also the legal age for consent in the country we were in was 16.

I feel so confused and lost, i don’t know how to feel, and I don’t understand why this makes me feel like such shit. I feel pretty fucked up about it still 4 years later...

Sorry if this post is long, but if you made it this far thank you very much for reading it and for caring.

(And sorry if i made some grammatical errors, English is my second language)