so honestly my life isn't that bad. My parents are still together, I have friends at school, my mom is always there for me. but recently my anxiety has been really high. I feel invalid, i feel like I shouldn't be feeling this way bc people have it a hell of alot worse than me. I have friends but somehow I still feel alone. And I feel bad for it bc my friends are amazing, It's not like they're crappy people. I've just worked it into my mind that they only talk to me out of pity. I'm going to be moving soon so I'll have to be around all new people and it scared the crap outta me. My mom is always trying to get me to open up to her and I k ow I should but I just cant. she cares so much for me and always wants the best I don't want her to know how much of a failure I've turned out to be. I so everything for her bc my brother completely ignores her so I feel like it's up to me to be the good kid. but honestly I'm done. I want to be done doing everything I can to make other people happy. I want to be done going places I don't want to go just bc my friend wants me to. I'm done being scared Every time I have to talk to some one or do something bit I still do it anyway bc I don't want to disappoint my friends or family. but the truth is, I'm not dome, I never will be done. because everyone else is more important than me. everyone else will always come before me. I'll always put on the brightest smile I can and make everyone else happy. they deserve that. I don't. I don't deserve to be happy because I've disappointed my mom so many times. I've disappointed my friends. I've even disappointed myself. I don't know if anyone even read this or not but if you did I'm sorry for going on and on I just needed to get it out of my head, even if it's only for a little bit.