So, where to start.....well, I turned 17 a couple weeks ago. This past year has been absolute HELL. I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism almost one year ago and my life was turned upside down. After all the panic attacks and heart palpitations episodes, I was diagnosed and put on a beta blocker for the palpitations as I waited for treatment. I didn't want to take anti-thyroid drugs because I didn't want to put myself in more danger from side effects on the liver and all that fun stuff. So I waited to get all these tests done so I could jump right to the last-resort treatment: radioactive iodine. No bad side effects although that sounds pretty bad. This would make me have hypothyroidism, which is treatable and very manageable. That took 7-8 months.

After radio-iodine, which was not painful for otherwise uncomfortable at all, I am waiting for yet more blood tests to see when to put me on thyroxine (aka synthroid) like millions of other women with hypothyroidism.

But heres where I'm getting fed up, as if I had reason not to be. I'm now dependant on the beta blocker, and have awful withdrawal symptoms. Ive tried weening off it slowly the past couple weeks, and tried missing a dose today, but had to take my next dose because it got too bad. Will be seeing a Dr. this week for some help.

I'm just so sick of life right now and want this to be over. This has taken a huge toll on my life, my teenage experience, and my mental health.

I currently have debilitating anxiety over wether something will happen to my heart. I cant be alone. I need an adult around to feel safe in my own body. I'm really upset over feeling this way while other teen are out there cursing their parents or adults and I'm so dependant.

Have not been diagnosed, but take several online tests around once a month for depression (yeah, probably not the best source of medical advice but ya know) and have mid- to low- level depression.

I dunno, just needed somewhere to put it all down.

Also not really sure where to post this, so sorry in advance if its irrelevant.

U P D A T E

So my mum talked to the pharmacist today. I'm supposed to make really small changes in the dose of the beta blocker, and then stay with that dose for 2 WEEKS before trying to change it again. My mum and I dropped like, 15-20mg within a week and a half, so I'm fucking screwed right now....its going to be a while before I can even begin to start coming off this motherfucking drug because I have to go back up slowly to where I feel good again. Btw, this all came up because I feel like shit, getting palpitations, and I shouldn't, and now I've found out I've been in withdrawal for like, 2 weeks or something. And its probably going to get worse because we dropped so low, and its gonna get worse before it gets better.

Like, WHY IS THIS MY FUCKING LIFE?!?!