Someone I trusted

I suppose I just want to get this off my chest and it is hard for me to say.

About two years ago when I was 19 I was working at a supermarket in my hometown just an ordinary check out girl. I had a boyfriend I had even with for a year and 8 months. At work I was very outgoing, very happy, loud, bubbly I had a lot of regular customers and I was a bit flirty with the males and by doing that I got my own way. This one manger I got pretty close to we would message frequently and he would talk to me about sex and positions and things he had done and I had done. We were pretty close friends after a while, had a lot of banter and hugged. I loved my boyfriend though so wasn't interested in anything more.

There was a works Christmas party and I had a bit to drink and he came to the party late. He immediately bounced over to me sat down next to me and ran his hand up my leg, squeezed my knee and thigh then winked at me. I laughed it off did a few shots then stood outside with friends to sober up. I was then just tipsy. He came outside and grabbed my boobs, right there in front of people I stood there shocked.

Everyone laughed it off and he went and drank more.

I stayed outside most of the night and he came back out he staggered over to me grabbed me and went in to kiss me, he was a lot bigger than me and he grabbed me I was so scared I pushed him off and said I wasn't interested, he went and found another girl made out with her whilst watching me then said to her "I love you" and my name... not hers. The rest of the night I argued with him and he kept calling me names saying I was worthless then invited me to his house for sex. I went home and the next day reported it to my work and they said there was no evidence.

I then became "the girl who cried rape" for the rest of my work life. If I made friends with anyone they would say i was the girl who accused someone of rape and there was no CCTV.

My work life was shit and he carried on being my boss, smiling and winking at me.

Fast forward three months I miscarried my boyfriends baby, he left and I went fully crazy. I got put on anti depressants and when I speak to the counsellor they told me they didn't believe me about the guy and if I changed myself as a person I could get my ex back.

Even two years on I'm effected by this. My world crumbled and I don't know how to fix it.