Terrible twos

My son will be 2 tomorrow. He throws temper tantrums that last hours. We have a doctors appointment in 3 weeks so I definitely will be asking them about this. He’s my first so idk if this is normal. He gets mad over the simplest things. For example, this morning I told him to stop turning on the air conditioner (there’s no way to block it off, I’ve tried) so he threw himself to the ground and screamed and screamed, kicking the floor, throwing things, spitting, etc. I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried the “your a big boy, big boys don’t act like this” the “use your big boy words, I can’t understand what you want” I’ve tried to let him get over himself, talk to him, hold him, put him in timeout, spanking, distraction, etc. you name it, I’ve done it. I’ve read books, talked to anyone and everyone. It’s like he can understand me but when I say things like “your a big boy, we don’t act like that” or “shh, your being mean” or just anything like that in general he doesn’t get it. If I do much as say “calm down” he bangs his head and screams extremely loud.

Once he calms down, he’s only happy for a minute until the next thing sets him off. His tantrums last for up to 3-4 hours. It’s crazy.

I’ve tried every last approach I’ve ever heard of. Nothing works. When he’s mad, he’s in charge. It doesn’t matter if we are in public with 100 people, he will throw himself down and bang, kick and scream and spit at people. We are very firm on our discipline. He never gets what he wants when he’s screaming, he has to calm down and say please. This started 3-4 months ago. He also doesn’t listen to anything. I say no and he will scream and throw things. He then goes to time out and I make him pick it up. Or if I say no he will laugh and walk away. I know the terrible twos are here and obviously it’s only gonna get worse but what do you ladies do?

It’s so hard to communicate with a toddler who doesn’t seem to understand you. (We do teach him as much as we can)