i confronted my first abuser


Dear First Abuser,

After 14 years of self hatred, guilt, trauma, and pain. A text was sent: "do you know who i am" turned into 2 hours of back and fourth messaging and A 3 hour phone conversation, raw emotion, i learned that you no longer can control my life. That i am finally free. That i beat you even after all this years. Some people don't understand why i Would go search to find someone who hurt my brother and I. Everyone handles trauma differently.

Now that i know what i know now i can finally move forward with my life, and stop obsessing over the similar questions, why?

You at first tried denying , then i described your room, the color of your walls, your house, your living room.

You took everything from me, all innocence lost after the months and months of abuse. I blamed myself for 14 years and you kept saying "i dont know". Thats why i said i wanted to bash your face in. But after it all you finally admitted and apologized. Thank you.

I dont hate you, i am no longer angry.

I will continue to pray for you in hopes you find yourself and come with what youve done.

but part of me feelings like something is missing i just dont know what.