Just curious as to how many relationships out there fall apart because of financial issues.

My husband and I filed our taxes today and he’s pretty upset that we owe for state and are only getting $250 back for federal. I didn’t expect a large refund because he was promoted at work & during summer with all the overtime, he claimed 9 dependents. (He does this to get more money back during the year, but he does not do it the entire year.)

I also didn’t tell him that I pulled $1,000 for my 401k to pay financial aid back. (I got audited over the summer and had to pay $3,000 back because I entered something wrong. If I did a payment plan, I couldn’t register for school and I was one quarter away from getting my bachelors degree. I’ve been working on my bachelors for 4 years.) I didn’t tell him because we keep our finances separate anyways during the year so I didn’t think it would matter to him, but apparently it does because it’s my fault we owe the state. We pay our lady $100 & usually goes half on it. Well after I gave the lady my card, I told my husband to transfer me the half & he told me to fuck off. He said because of our refund, he isn’t giving me shit & that it’s my fault we aren’t getting anywhere with our future. (We’ve been together for 12 years & have a 6 year old and a newborn) we don’t have a house yet because we live in California & we realistically cannot afford anything out here at the moment.

On the way home, he just kept yelling at me saying that I always bring him down & he had things to pay off, but now he can’t because I’m in the way. He said that next year, he’s filing in his own & he doesn’t think we will make it to next year. He said to just give him a divorce so he can finally grow in life. We’ve obviously had other financial struggles in the past, but things had been going so well after our son was born, I didn’t think it’d flip a switch that fast.

He just always expects me to pay for half of everything even though I make way less money than him. He knows I struggle & he is able to save while I can’t. We have separate bank accounts & he has a savings while I struggle to keep my account from being overdrafted.

In the past, I’ve tried to sit him down to figure out our budget, but he just tells me that I’m the one with the issue & he knows how to budget himself. I even begged him to open up a joint account, but he refuses to put his money in there. When I think he’s paying for something, he’ll hit me with give me half. If we go somewhere in his car (he hates driving my car), he’ll make me give him money for gas. I don’t understand how he expects me to save when he treats me as his friend. He even told me today to get a 2nd job if I couldn’t make ends meet, but we’re married. He should be helping me if he sees me struggle. It wasn’t always like this. He used to pay for everything because I was only going to school, but we lived with his parents so we didn’t have the bills that we do now. We were also kid free and only 19 years old.

Sometimes, I really feel like a divorce, but financially I won’t be able to stand alone. My closets family lives 45 minutes away & I rely on my mother in law to help me with my kids (especially when I was going to school at night) I don’t want to move in with my parents and pull my son from his friends and his school just because we’re having issues. It isn’t fair to him. My mother did that to me and my brother every year when we were growing up & it was really traumatic. I want my kids to have the stability that I never had.

Sorry for the long rant. I just needed to get this off my chest because I felt really shitty after we did our taxes. If you read through this whole thing, thank you 🙃