When I came into his life - him and his dad had been on their own without his mom for about 14 months. I knew it would be an adjustment. At first he wouldn’t even look at me - he would scream/kick/punch/etc. I worked with him and after a few months he acknowledged me, would play with me, was getting along with my daughter (who is 14 months old and who he punched when she was 11 months with no provocation).

My husband would co-sign any of his behavior - which is understandable for the most part - he loves his son.

My issue now is that he is totally out of control: he’s hit a girl at school in the head 4 times; he screams at the top of his lungs ; he never ever cleans up after himself even when asked repeatedly by his dad - he will throw almost a 1/2 box of cereal on the floor; he purposely pees all over our bathroom floor; he’s always breaking things on purpose including irreplaceable items that my late grandma gave me; he calls me and his dad bad names; he takes my daughters toys away from her when he has his own toys right there; all he has to say is “daddy I want to live with mommy” and my husband will do anything to please him (his mom has limited custody due to a family violence charge and now sees him once a week) ; my husband speaks to him as if he were a baby and treats him like one : he’s unable to dress himself (even underwear); can’t tie his shoes; isn’t potty trained; just now switched from a sippy cup to a cup with a straw; doesn’t even attempt to wipe his butt when he does use the potty.

Now I know some of this stuff is normal but some is not. I’ve spoken with my husband and suggested a chore chart with rewards; practicing dressing/tying shoes/working towards potty training/counseling as a family and child therapy with him for his extreme anger - my husband always says he will do those things but never follows through - because he will have 1 good day out of like 20 - and he will say “we have to count the small victories”

I worry he might one day hurt my daughter (I have special locks on both her doors and I watch them like a hawk when together).

We recently told him I was pregnant and he freaked out and said maybe it’ll die and I’ll keep my daddy. We reassured him that his daddy will always be his daddy even when I have the baby.

I show him love in all situations but I am so unhappy and part of me feels really guilty because he’s only a child but he’s very troubled - which I realize is in part due to issues with his mother from the past. They have a great relationship now which I foster. If he says he misses mommy we FaceTime her and we do Not talk bad about her ever.

I’m trying really hard here y’all 😭