Anxiety attack

So, I've suffered from depression/anxiety for about 15 years. I've been through many meds and many therapists just to finally battle it on my own. I am now a little over 7 weeks PP and have finally lost it. I've been calm through a majority of raising my son on top of having to move. now all the bills for having him have came flooding in on top of it and I finally had a breakdown while feeding my son. I had to remove him from my breast and lay him next to me on the couch so I could try to breathe through the panic attack. I've told my doctor about my anxiety and was prescribed Zoloft but decided not to take it so it isn't transferred through my milk to my son. It may seem silly but I feel like it may cause him mental health issues himself and I don't want that for him. I've had to quit smoking, can rarely drink alcohol, and try not to drink much caffeine... all sacrifices I have made for his health and to continue breastfeeding. Idk any other outlets and I'm about to lose my mind! I'm a SAHM too. thankfully I have a friend that I see quite often through the week or I may very well,have already lost it. How can I handle all these changes? My emotions and hormones are 100X worse than when I was pregnant. I love my son but I just feel so overwhelmed. I felt like a shitty mother for making him stop feeding so I could cry and breathe. This is by far the hardest hole I've ever had to claw out of!! 😭 I'm so ashamed of myself. I have tried so hard to be strong through it all. I'm so thankful for my partner and I wanna be strong for him. I want him to think im a good mother and strong but now I feel so weak and ashamed! I just needed to vent. I don't want anyone else to know im struggling. im a suffer in silence type normally and don't want the judgement.