I want kids. I didn't want to have children or get married until I met my partner. We had a pregnancy scare where we started signing up for registrys and I took pregnancy tests for 2 months and he told me he was completely and fully ready to be a father and that he was going to be the best father he could possibly be.

It turns out I got false positives and I wasn't pregnant because I ended up getting my period. It made me very sad. I was excited. I still wanted kids. I kept it to myself for awhile and then told him flat out "I want to start trying for a kid."

He said "we can start trying in November of 2018, so 10 months."

I thought okay cool it's not that long, we have plenty of time to prepare.

Then I brought it up again and he said "No I never said we would start trying for a kid this year. I said we'll wait a year to start trying."

I told him he lied to me and he admitted to lying. I was very hurt.

He ended up telling me "as soon as you get a job we'll start trying."

I did my very best to get a job and I got a job that same week.

We had sex the night I was hired and he didn't wear a condom which showed me he was ready and was going to cum inside of me. Nope. He pulled out.

Again, I was hurt. I was like "wtf do you want??"

He said he just wanted to wait until his program was over and we talked all night and he admitted to wanting to wait a year or two.

It literally eats at my soul everyday to see families or couples with these beautiful newborn babies because I would do anything to have a child with this boy but I can't help feeling that he doesn't want the same.

I keep thinking that in a year he'll push it back, and then keep pushing it back, and I'm not wasting my time and going through so much hurt watching other families for him to be like "I don't want kids."

I literally cry every night because of how badly I want a family already. It breaks my heart.

He thinks that the first time we try I'm just going to get pregnant right away. That's not how it works. It can take years to even get pregnant. All I'm asking of him is to just start trying. We have 9 months to prepare and we both make more than enough money. The only thing that's holding me back is him and it's ruining our relationship.

I've tried really hard, I even told him "if you had to choose between trying to start conceiving for a baby with me or breaking up what would you do"

And he said "I would just breakup."

I'm not trying to pressure him or force him but he doesn't understand how badly I want this at all. It's put me in a horrible depression. I just cry, and sleep. I don't know what to do.