Missed miscarriage 02/12/18

I had a missed miscarriage, the baby stopped developing at 8wks, almost two weeks ago... I didn’t find out til Monday when I went to the doctors (it had been a week already), I went last night to the hospital to get checked & they confirmed the same... I’m so lost, confused, hurt... my first pregnancy, I feel like I already failed as a mother.. I always understood how painful a miscarriage was but now going through one I just feel like I hit my lowest with depression like the floor disappeared & I just keep falling deeper... I stare at things & sometimes can’t differ what’s real or fake... I just don’t know what to do.. I’m trying so hard to relax & tell myself it’s nothing I did, that these things just happen but truth be told I’m scared to be alone while hubbys at work, I’m scared to be alone in general.. my depression is hitting me so hard.. even if they were just the size of an olive they were still already loved sooo much.. I’ll never forget.. I lost my uncle too, at least I can think that they didn’t go alone Uncle Ricky carried them with him.. fly high my angel & watch over me & your dad..

(I haven’t passed the baby yet, it’s an agonizing guessing game that I just want over..)

my world stopped the day they told me they couldn’t hear your heartbeat..