yeah yeah envy isn't a good color on anyone. I just need to vent and if you're just going to try to make me feel like shit for feeling like shit please just don't post.

Alright so last year, when my relationship was stable and everything was good, we were trying to conceive. Then he started cheating on me, lost his job and has become emotionally abusive. it isn't a healthy or stable environment anymore, Im not sure I even want to continue this relationship anymore but that isn't the point right now.

the point is I was buying ovulation kits and crying when my period would come. my neighbor and I both started trying at the same time, but she got pregnant before I found out about the cheating and stopped TTC. she's due any day now.

I'm happy for her of course, to have a stable home and a baby girl on the way. but I'm also so incredibly jealous that she gets to keep what I wanted so dearly.

I had my abortion a week ago and even though I know it was the best decision it hurts so bad. I'm trying not to be angry at my husband because it takes two to get drunk and forget the condom, but if he hadn't fucked up our life I would've kept my baby that I had been trying so hard for. I felt like I couldn't talk to him about possibly keeping it at all, but I still made the decision I did and I can't blame him for thinking abortion was the best option handsdown and not wanting to talk about anything else.

I'm just hurting and needed to let this all out.