Suicide

My sister recently committed suicide... She was 16 and she decided she couldn't handle it just 3 days before her 17th birthday. She tried to commit suicide almost 2 weeks ago with a razor blade and was hospitalised and had to have 8 stitches. Mum immediately hid all razors and sharp objects to prevent further harm. At the time of her first attempt, she seemed happy, completely normal and when I got the call it was so fucking unexpected to us all. She'd battled with depression since she was 14, she was on high dosage antidepressants and had weekly counselling. But she honestly seemed to have been improving. Well after her attempt, my whole family was so affected. And she could see it. And I still remember her saying "I know I'm loved. But I can't." She also told mum one night unexpectedly "when I die, I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered on the beach.. Because that's where I'm the happiest" mum couldn't sleep after that. Mum and my brother and I were so close to her, she was like my bestfriend and same with mum. How do we deal with such a huge loss. When will the aching stop. We all few so guilty like we could have done something more to prevent it, even though we tried to give her everything. She knew she was loved. Fuck