So I’m really just going to vent. My daughter dad and I have had a really rocky path to the point where when this new baby was conceived we weren’t even in a relationship. At that time, things were actually going well between us and getting back together seemed like it may have been an option. When I found out I was pregnant, it was like it scared him because although we had talked about having another child I don’t think he was ready for it. Since then, we have not been on as good terms as we were before he found out. As much as I want my “family” to work I can’t make him grow up and it’s hard to trust someone who doesn’t act like they want me to trust them. Pretty much I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for my reality the next few months and try to tell myself I’m going to be okay with taking care of a newborn and a toddler. It just seems scary because more than likely I’m going to have a c section again and I won’t be able to really take care of my daughter at least until I’m somewhat healed. I don’t want to miss time with her at the beginning of this new baby’s life or even when they get older and it’s his turn to have them. I guess really it’s just my own reality that I have to accept but I’m just not ready to fully accept it.