It’s 5:27am and i woke up from a dream i had about you and now i can’t fall back asleep.

It’s been the same dream all weekend, you happy with someone else and me by myself wishing i could have you to myself. It’s crazy because i started having these dreams before you even told me you started seeing someone new. How do you move on so fast? Two days ago you told me you love me and now I’m just a distant memory ? I’m confused.

I told you i needed time. I thought you understood that. I told you i needed time but i kept asking you to sleep over, or go out with me, or just hang out with me...how could you not see that i hated you but i also love you. I kept you around when i could’ve let you go because i wanted you in my life.

You say I’m selfish because i never told you how i felt...but then i remember during the months where i was actually making you work for me i felt like this was the only time when i was the ONLY girl in the picture. And that felt sooo good.

Maybe i am selfish but i don’t care, you’ve put me through a lot and for a moment i felt like i was in control.

I want to be with you but i need to learn to love myself. But the thought of you moving on and not being in my life has me up at 5am. I miss you already.