Shall I cut all ties with my mum? Please help

Question

if you could read this and help me, im 19. I would really appreciate it as I just don’t know what’s right or wrong. Shall I cut all ties with my mum and let her get on with it or. Basically growing up, she’s been a good mum however she is a alcoholic I think, she has to drink Atleast 10 cans of beer a day.. how ever she always puts me down and calls me names when she’s drunk or annoyed. I moved out at the age of 18 and pay my own bills and live my own life and I’m proud of my self. She still says I’m doing shit. All when I lived with her I worked full time from the age of 15, got all my qualifications, I got my training and qualifications  in cabin crew and aviation, I helped her, I gave her money if she needed it, never was a trouble daughter. She stilled used to call me a waste of space and shit daughter, she’s Called me a slag,a whore,a bitch ect .. some days she’s nice it’s only mainly when she gets drunk or spirits( vodka) but still one bad day every few  weeks was to much. I would stick up for my self and she would kick me out. Even now she picks arguments with me and calls me name and I don’t live with her and then will not say sorry the next day will try and act normal. I’m doing so well and everyone has told me, just not her she will say something nice and then say something else drunk. So guys I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and he’s met my sisters ect, I’m taking him to Italy to meet my day and family, I introduced him to my mum for the first time on Sunday we took her out for her bday on a meal, she was fine but she was drunk .. all great untill one point she just suddenly switched and started calling me names and started screaming that I was a controlling bitch and controlling my boyfriend but I don’t and he even told her. But it’s like she had to make a fool of me and show me up, he knows what she’s like from what I said so he wasn’t bothered and was very helpful with me.. I work, I pay my way. She calls me names for booking holidays, and going out and doing stuff with my boyfriend but I live on my own and Do what I want.. why should she call me names. I’ve been nothing but a good daughter and I’m starting to have enough

Answer

Definitely cut her off. 
Ive cut off my mother, she was verbally abusive towards me after my father left. She made me homeless at 21. We made up after i got my own place but ever so often she would start a pointless argument with me.
She took me and my daughter on holiday last year and basically verbally abused me all week knowing I couldn’t get a flight home. 
I haven’t spoke to her since and its like a weight has been lifted.

Answer

Leave her be. You don’t have to associate with toxic parents just because they are your parents.
I stopped talking to my mom for 5 years after I had moved from Florida to California.
My mom actually put her hands on my in front of my oldest boys when they were 2 and 1. I never in my life ever let me kids be associated with domestic violence in any way so when she did that it made me even more mad. She kicked me out with my kids and told me she didn’t care about them. (We were staying with her for the summer since we were moving to Cali) now she acts as if she didn’t do anything wrong.
I don’t regret leaving and ignoring her because I ended up going to therapy because the whole argument and fight that took place had sooooooo much more stuff happen than just that.
I put myself first and my kids so she knows I don’t play about them or myself. We talk every few months.
Sadly my kids forget I have a mom because they never see her and I don’t talk about her either. 
Their paternal grandma is all they know

Answer

That does sound like alcoholism. Maybe the distance would do you some good. Her liver will one day take a hit though and she’s going to fall into a bunch of health problems secondary to her alcoholism. So what I would do(probably not the most ideal of things) would be tell her that I’m not going to talk to her until she stops drinking altogether and gets herself some professional help. My rationale for not being more hands on is that not everyone wants to be helped and it sounds like she’s already ruined your relationship. You’re  self sufficient and if you think you can emotionally handle not being in touch with her then go for it.

Answer

Leave her a letter saying how much you do care for her but you just can’t consider her family until she smartens up and realizes what she has. I would definitely cut ties with her because it will get worse and the years will pass by with nothing changing. Until she realizes her doings and starts acting like a mother and being grateful for all that you have done for her it isn’t worth it. Im glad to hear you are happy with your boyfriend and hopefully you have a good relationship with your father and his side of the family. Best of luck to you ❤️

Answer

Cut ties with her!! Your not obligated to talk or stay with your mom. With all the name calling I view it as she has a problem with herself and not you. Even if you want her to get help, she probably won't and would rather see you fail to feel better about herself.

Answer

I would let her know your cutting toes until she deals with her problem. Maybe one day she’ll have the strength to put herself together and realize how her problem affects her and those around her, but I would 100% cut ties.

Shall I cut all ties with my mum? Please help

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