I’m so pissed

I’m so pissed as I watch him lay our clean clothes on the bed and start to fold them. I ask if he wants help and he says “well I’m only folding mine, so...” as he proceeds to separate my clothes from his.

I’m so pissed as I watch a video on Facebook when a girl cries because the love of her life just proposed to her. I know deep down I’m not ever going to be worth that to him.

I’m so pissed as I watch him light a $20 candle I bought for him over the weekend, because I had to fight to get him out of bed and going shopping with me, so I didn’t have to go alone. The only reason I went to the mall was to exchange a pair of pants, but watching his face light up smelling the candles as I tell him to get whatever he likes, even though I can’t afford it.

I’m so pissed when I come home from work covered in paint and snot and knotted up hair from watching kids all day to see him on his Xbox, not even telling me hi. The $200 Xbox I bought him for his birthday. Me? I got nothing for my birthday.

I’m so pissed that he doesn’t have a job, that I’m supporting the both of us, and he doesn’t seem bothered to get one.

I’m so pissed as I watch his dog walk around with a cone that I bought on his head because his eye is swollen and he refuses to take him to the vet. Just blames it on my cat from scratching him in the eye. He says he hopes his dog has mange because then my cat will get it too, and he hopes my cat will die.

I’m so pissed that I moved in with him when I was 17 years old because my mom forbid me from ever seeing him again, and I had a panic attack from crying so hard.

I’m so pissed that I got my dream job, and that I’m making friends with my coworkers and I feel like I’m finally apart of a family. And I know if I go back home, I’ll have to quit.

I’m so pissed that I lost my virginity to him when I was 16 years old because I felt like sex was something all my friends were doing and I was missing out on something.

I’m so pissed that the only place I have to go is back home, and that my sister just lost her virginity at 13 years old and failing school, my 15 year old sister is smoking cigarettes and almost doing cocaine at high school parties, my 12 year old brother smokes weed and chokes himself when he gets upset. That my dad raped my mom several times when I was a kid, and she got back together with him.

I’m so pissed that I’m 18 years old and I graduated a year early, and that I have a really good job, I have my own car, I don’t live with my parents, I support two people, a cat, and a dog, and I KNOW I FUCKING DESERVE BETTER because I have a big heart, and I’m intelligent, and I have such great potential.

I’m so pissed that I’m writing this. Because I have no close friends to share this with. Because this is going to count as me venting to someone, and I’m just going to go to bed, wake up tomorrow and act like I’m just fine, because I am. I’m fine. Right?