*My thoughts that no one asked for*

Seeing videos of other mom's talking about childbirth being the most empowering day of their lives makes me upset, left out, angry, or cheated? I'm not sure what emotional mess it gives me but that isn't even close to what I experienced. Childbirth was terrifying. Nothing about the 44 hours of freakin labor was empowering. It was a year ago and just thinking about that time again makes me wish I could rip all my reproductive organs out of my body. Do I love the after because of that? ABSOLUTELY!

I love being able to see, hold and cuddle my little boy. Would I voluntarily go for having another kid again? I really honestly don't think so and I'm not sure how much of that is normal... My husband has been all down my throat about having a second kid sooner rather than later and idk if I even want to again....all I know is that I can not do what I did last time again. I will mentally snap.