On February 3rd at 5:10am Saturday morning I gave birth to my beautiful daughter Daisey May. I was induced labor because my angel was to sick to continue.. she had a serious amount of birth defects and I was told she would not be able to live or be fixed and if I continued with the pregnancy I could die.

I had to make the hardest decision of my life terminating my precious micracle for her own good! The amount of guilt and sadness I feel will never go away and I miss my baby girl everyday day.

Yesterday I got her back in her own little urn and I couldn't be happier with how beautiful it is . A beautiful place for her to be and close to her mummy. She was my whole happiness and more.

This is my darling angel Daisey May, born at 19wks 6days weighing 190grams and 19cm long . I got to have her with me for 5 days in hospital because I had complications and stayed longer then I should have. I had her blessed and had a ceremony in the hospital just for her. I got to hold her and kiss her and see her for those 5 days and even though it made letting go so much harder I'm so grateful for the time I got to spend with her.

Saying goodbye on that fifth day was when I realised I would not feel her or see her again and was one of the hardest things I ever had to do was watching the midwife walk out that door and take her away from me. I left numb and confused and couldn't do anything for days.. I got to keep her outfit and blanket she wore which let me still smell her and remember what she was like. I miss her so much that I couldn't let her blanket with her clothes wrapped up go.. I would go into a melt down just having to put them down to shower. Today I have her ashes and hold them so she can feel me near her and have her blanket close so she knows I still care.

and turns out the doctors were right. On February 3rd I nearly died from passing a very large blood clot the size of my placenta and was rushed to emergency surgery resulting in having 3 bags of blood and numerous tubes sticking up me and out of me. I now have pelvic inflammation disease from all the procedures I was put through and have been put on strong medications to get rid of it. By the end of this week I find out if it's gone or if it's worse and risking me from being able to have another baby. The thing is.. I feel as though through all this that even if I could get pregnant again I would not be fully satisfied because they wouldn't be Daisey. I'll always love her, cherish her and miss her and I don't think I will get over that.

I'm not looking for sympathy by writing this but to have some people read my heartache and keep me in there prayers and my baby girl Daisey for her life after this in heaven to be beautiful and kind. I want nothing more then to know she is in peace and to have help from you to ask god for his kindness of keeping her safe would really help me. Thankyou for reading and I hope I have all your blessings and prayers.

Rest in peace my beautiful angel, mummy loves you and will never love another as much as I have for you. 💕💕