How do you all deal with feeling like a fat lard?

I am 5’11” and 330 pounds. With my height, I carry it fairly well. I’ve never been tiny. As an athlete and full time dancer in high school I weighed 200.

We were trying to conceive but it snuck up on us. I had planned to loose weight but it didn’t happen and now I feel so guilty.

I cant enjoy my pregnancy because I feel like a whale. I am only 5 ish weeks but I out on a pair of jeans today and buttoned they were suffocating. The thought of going up a size doesn’t help my feelings. And plus size maternity clothes are near impossible to find.

I know some looks weight in their first trimester. But cravings are kicking my butt in the evenings and nausea hasn’t been a problem, just aversions. I dont eat a lot throughout the day and then bam, dinner time and I have to have something horrible.

I want to enjoy this but what I’ve done to myself is preventing that and I am so self conscious. Mostly about what family, and doctors will say and shame me about.