Could use some input on getting tubes tied/vasectomy

A little backstory: SO and I have one child each from previous relationships. We also have a baby boy due in 2 months. SO had been somewhat pressuring me (not so much "pressuring" as asking me to consider) to get my tubes tied, give consent for him to get the snip, or both. He brought it up every week or so for months in a somewhat joking manner. Each time I would sort of brush it off and say "I'm still pregnant. Can I just have some time to enjoy and focus on this? We have time to decide..." But deep down, I haven't been ready to have the option of more kids taken off the table. 😕 I finally broke down when he made a joke about it in the middle of my birthday dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. So here is obviously-pregnant and hormonal me, crying at the table into my fettuccine. He felt horrible and seemed to realize the impact all of it had on me. He hasn't brought it up since.

My pregnancies have been hard on me physically. My first labor left me with multiple spinal injuries that have required invasive surgeries and a lot of recovery time. I also had 2 emergency D&C; surgeries due to retained placenta/blood loss. Five months after DD was born, I suffered through a miscarriage all by myself as he couldn't physically be with me during it. It sent me into a spiteful depression for a while, even if it was out of his control. This pregnancy has been worse than the first; I'll need another spinal surgery after my planned c-section as baby is putting too much pressure on the ruptured disc/once-torn ligament. I'm in constant pain and it takes its toll on our little family. I can totally understand his fears, concerns, willingness to be done with babies.

But... what if five-ten years down the line we are in a great place and feel the longing for another little one? He's an AMAZING father and blows me away with how great he is with our kids. I know that I'll get the itch again, as crazy as it sounds. I like to think I will have had enough time by then to recover from everything and do alright with another pregnancy. I doubt we'll be able to afford reversal surgery.

I have an immense fear that part of me will resent him if/when that time comes and we can't even try. I don't want to approach it as "I decided this..." or "it's my body/my decision so find a way to deal with that" because it would hurt me so much if he took that approach and had the procedure without me knowing. Yes, we are our own people and our bodies belong to us individually, but that is a decision for both of us to make together.

So. Do I wait until after DS is born and hormones have leveled out to have this talk again? I feel like by then we'll be going at it like rabbits again. 😂

*Sidenote: I've tried over 10 different methods of BC and all of them have had very adverse effects on me; my OB said I'm one of the unlucky few that cannot handle hormonal BC. It is the same for my sister.

So our options are abstinence (yeah right) or condoms. I'm fine with condoms (buuuut our babies have been products of heat-of-the-moment-with-no-condoms-around situations). Obviously I'll be stocking up after DS is born. But that's exactly the reason SO wants one or both of us to get fixed.

I'm at a loss. Words of encouragement and advice would be appreciated.