So hard!

So October 30th I found out I lost our baby 5 1/2 weeks prior. (Stopped growing) and so they said since I hadn’t naturally miscarried I should do a d&c.; So I got it done November first. It went smooth and everything went fast. well I didn’t get a period forever. Finally they gave me a progesterone prescription to start it and I got my period January 27th. We’ve been ttc since, and tomorrow is supposed to be AF and I keep getting symptoms (or so I think). But I took a few Walmart .88 tests and they all had a super faint line. Which was confusing me since 3-4 days go by and it wasn’t getting any darker. Today I got a First response and it was negative. So I’m just leaving it at that so I’m not expecting a surprise positive. I hate feeling let down with my period or a negative result. I’m just so scared once I do get pregnant I’ll miscarry again. Now I know I already have 3 healthy boys, so I know I can get pregnant. I’m just so afraid of going through all that again. I have dreams I get that BFP and then I wake up in blood or have an ultrasound with no heartbeat. 😭 how do you stay positive?! It’s so hard. But I’m praying we will get pregnant soon. ❤️