Deployment starts and I’m not ready... at all

So little less than 24 hours and my husband is deploying (we don’t have the regular OPSEC), this is our 6th deployment. This time I don’t feel ready at all. Usually I am very calm, I don’t really cry, I just face it and we get trough it. This time is so much different. We found out two weeks ago that we can’t have kids the normal way and IUI won’t also work for us, so we only can have children together through

IVF

. After these news we distanced so much. We both barely talked. I turned into a depressed wreck that was mostly crying. He was not comforting me at all, I do blame him for that because it is basically his fault we can’t have any kids. And before anyone jumps on me for being a bitch, him and his ex wife decided to have a vasectomy so he was his choice to do so. I didn’t knew about it until after I got married to him and her telling me. He was afraid to tell me. Anyways, I did expected for him to comfort me because it was not like he never could’ve kids. He choose to do so. We did had a reversal, but it didn’t work out for us. Well anyways after these news, we didn’t talked much. He stayed away from me like I would poison him. I didn’t fought with him because there is nothing to fight but I decided not to hide how I really felt. My husband is a private military contractor. He’s gone 10 months of the year. I only have him home for 2 months each year and it makes it SO freaking hard to deal with problems like this... so this time I am not ready. He takes a nap right now and I was watching him sleep and all I could think about was how much I love and how much I’ll miss him. And how much I would just have needed him to simply hold me so I could cry my pain out... I’m so afraid of being alone now because I know this will pull me into a deep low when he leaves because I was not able to cope with the fact that our only option is

IVF

. I don’t want to start crying in front of him and tell him how I still feel because i don’t want him to think i am causing drama in any way. I want to make this “leaving” thing as easy as possible. But right now, I’m just a wreck. I’m glad he fell asleep because that gives me a couple hours to simply cry.