Mommy problems

Hello! So my mother and I do not get along. When I was little she was in a relationship where the man abused me. He had PTSD and he grew up in a bad situation, and when they married he was 20, and had never been around children. He had no idea what to do when puberty hit and sadly CPS had to get involved and friends parents were worried because of the bruises. He never sexually abused me, just physically, and my mom mentally. She told all my friends parents I was a pathological liar and I was just clumsy. On only 2 occasions, she herself laid her hands on me. They have a daughter together (my half sister) and she has never been through any of what I have, 1: because she is 6 years younger and 2: her and my mom have the same “personality type” or that’s how it’s always been described to me.

Fast forward to senior year, he leaves her, saying that they feed off each other’s anger and that it was not a good relationship for everyone involved. She flips out and hates him with a passion, using him beating me as a tool against him, and claiming to everyone she never knew it was happening. He has never denied what he’s done to me, he owns it, and apologized to this day. She however, denies any wrong-doing. We butted heads constantly it seemed.

The day my son was born, my fiancé and I wanted it to be just us when the baby was born. I allowed her in there up until the water was broken, and then I asked if she could wait with the other family members and she could be the first back after, and she lost it. She left the hospital all together. Then when she came back she told me I was never allowed to kick her out again. During the next baby she had to be in the room.

Wedding day arrives, and she guilts me because I let my son stay the night with my real dad (who never gets to see him due to living in another state) the night before. She starts crying because she wasn’t the first person he spent the night with, so after the honeymoon I let him stay the night with her. She brought him over at 5 am the next day and after that expected to just come and take him whenever she wanted. My husband has been with me since high school and has seen/knows everything that has happened to me since before her divorce. Needless to say, he doesn’t like her, and says he doesn’t trust her, and that when my sister has children, she will ditch our children if they get to close to her for my sisters children.

My mom gets mad when I say I would like to schedule dates for when she sees my son calling it “supervised visitation” and gets mad and me and calls my husband controlling. She then brings up my ex-step dad asking why I talk to him occasionally and treat her like a stranger, and I try to explain that I talk to him less than I talk to her, and she goes on the talk about all he did to me. I remind her of the 2 times she herself laid her hands on me and she flips out calling me a liar and saying “no wonder everyone hates me, you turned them against me.” And calls me a pathological liar again. I start crying uncontrollably and made the decision to not talk to her anymore because it seemed like after every conversation I ended up crying. She reached out, still trying to guilt me, while never claiming any wrong doing, and blaming me indirectly.

NOW: I’m pregnant again. Due in June. I have yet to tell my mom, or even talk to my mom since October. I do not like feeling like I’m hiding, and I do not want to hurt her, but at the same time i do not want a relationship because I know nothing will change and I do not want to get hurt or have my children get hurt. Or am I overthinking it all?

How do I announce my pregnancy without letting her feel like she’s back in?

Any help is appreciated, and anyone who has read all this is a goddess because I know it’s a lot.