Today today marks nine months since we started “trying.” Today marks the day that if it that month was successful, I would be holding a beautiful little baby. I had dreamed of today since I was just a little girl myself. Instead I am holding a bag of Kotex when I’m once again saddened by the reality of our wonderful Mother Nature. Instead I’m reminded that you haven’t been made yet and the sad reality sinks in that it’s very likely I won’t get to hold you this year.

I am so over “trying.” I’m so over people asking at church, at work, or even the cash register lady at WalMart asking, “Are you trying this month?” It’s so disappointing knowing this is something I can’t control. I’m so over peeing on sticks and tracking when the result is the same when I don’t. I’m over doctors turning me away because I’m young (24) “Don’t rush it” they say. I’m saddened that I can’t even feel validated in an appointment because it’s not been a full year, even though I suspect I’m not ovulating at all. Most importantly I’m heartbroken when I learn someone I know opts for abortion when they have the exact blessing I cry for once a month.

Either ways, here’s to next month...