what should i do??

I’ll try to sum it up as best i can. So i’ve been family friends with this guy since we were babies and i’ve liked him for as long as i can remember. i’ve never liked anyone else, every wish, every thought about growing old, everything was about him. at this point i feel like i could honestly say i love him. we are both smart, creative, adventurous people. we have both helped each other bc we’ve both lost a parent to cancer. that also means we have really big hearts and there’s more backstory to that, that would be too long to get into. right now we’re in high school and he’s more of the outgoing popular kid, but he isn’t a jerk. he’s a really sweet, caring guy with an amazing heart and i love spending time with him away from other people, because he can be himself. but he goes out to parties and drinks and all that kind of stuff. he’s also had sex with at least a few other girls but if i got into a relationship with him i wouldn’t want to have sex, at least not for a while. throughout the years he has sent different mixed signals so i’m not sure what he feels about me, if anything. even if we couldn’t be together, i would still want to be friends bc he’s a great person and if he’s not happy with me, i still want him to be happy. so i don’t want to ruin being friends, but i don’t want to always think back on how i regret not taking a chance. i’m not sure. i also don’t know if my heart could take that kind of rejection bc i’ve never thought about being with anyone else. does anyone have any advice for me (if you bothered to read this much)?

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