Really depressed today

Every month I promise myself I won’t obsess over peeing on a stick, and every month I do.. I fall into the same mind trap of holding them up to the light and inverting them and being obsessive.. and this month is again no exception.

I felt like I had a vfl yesterday at 8dpo and today it’s nothing. (I’ll post pics below)

Every month I feel heartbroken because I should be closer to giving birth in May if I didn’t have a miscarriage at 11 weeks, every month it hurts because there’s hope that it could be “the month” and that’s very abruptly shattered when af shows and I’m a crying mess.

Yes I know I should be so blah because af hasn’t shown up yet (due on 6th) and yet I already feel like I’m out this month 😢 it’s such a rollercoaster of emotions every single month for over 3 years. Over 40 cycles of this... it’s draining in every way possible.

Sorry if this has bummed anyone out it’s just that this is the only place that seems to understand and I can be 100% open about how truly heartbreaking it feels...

Yesterday’s start of.. well nothing I guess :(

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Today’s great big fat negative. Nothing!

(Yesterday’s was PM urine. Today’s was FMU)