We live together, we’re in our 20s, we love each other, but affection and romance is kinda bleh. It’s not always like this either, everything will be okay for a month or so and then not okay for a month or so. We have been through a lot of stressful events this last 6-8 months so I know that weighs on us both, but I still want sex and he doesn’t seem to...

Recently he went on a trip back to our home town for personal business. I wanted to stay so he went alone. The trip was planned out so no biggie. But now I’m finding out while he was there he slept with his ex/mother of his first child. They broke up only a couple of months before we started dating, but have known each other for 12 years so things moved a bit more quickly than normal not having to do all that get to know ya stuff (Him and I have always been attracted to each other but we’re both independent by nature and we just didn’t cross paths to date). He says he felt confused and thought he wanted to work things out (while he was visiting this feeling sparked?) for their daughter...

Now he’s home and again everything is good for a month, bad for a month... it’s making me feel unattractive, unmotivated, ugly, like I’m not wanted, like he wants what he had with his ex back instead of letting our relationship be what it becomes and grow!

Note: I’m not telling him what he did was okay, but I am telling him that I’m not all that upset he slept with his ex. I can understand having those feelings and wanting to fix things for your child’s sake-especially being so recent of a split. He wouldn’t tell me the truth for 2 months though, I knew, but wanted him to tell me if I asked and told him I had found messages he left open. Lying makes me feel like I’m being played or he is still being unfaithful in some way. I feel very disrespected.

Any advice? Do I just need to give him time to work through this? What about him being interested in me sexually? How do I handle him speaking with/communicating with his child’s mother? She doesn’t even have custody over their daughter and is only allowed visitation. His parents are taking care of his first daughter right now until we establish ourselves in a new state and move her with us. I understand she’s the mother of his daughter but what do they need to talk about fairly regularly when she is never around their child?

I think I know what is going on and he is still confused and not over his ex. We honestly have a great relationship otherwise so I’m willing to give him time to heal and work past this but I’m not sure how to handle that and still demand attention and affection?