I’ve been talking in a lot of my pervious posts about this guy I like and well, I think I’m deeply in love with him. I don’t think I’ve said his name before but I showed a picture of him and of me and my ex in another post, so let’s just call him “Aaron”. I met him at my church’s youth group and he’s super sweet, friendly, and kind towards everyone and me. He’s said stuff to me before that seemed suspiciously sweet, almost flirty, but he said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anytime soon. Plus, I’m not allowed to be in a relationship after bad events with my ex which sucks.

I recently got his phone number because I wanted to talk to him about problems I was having and feeling because I got suspended from school for “cyber bullying” my ex (which is a lie) and we both got suspended for two days (I basically had a four day weekend and went back to school today, but my ex didn’t come back so I kinda hope he got karma and was suspended longer) I’ve been texting him since Sunday night to today, but he’s really slow at responding but he does respond at some point which is still good.

But even more not so recent, I’ve been thinking about him nonstop to the point where I can’t focus in school. Every thought I have is interrupted by him and I just can’t stop thinking about him and it’s agony. The whole situation is agony because he’s a senior and he’ll be graduating this year and off to college who knows where, and I want to become closer with him before that happens.

I want to talk to him so much but we have different things on our schedule and I have more things to do than him, I think, because I have AP classes. Plus I don’t wanna annoy him or make it obvious I’m into him.

I do have an opportunity to get closer and hang out with him for about 5 ish days if I can sign up for our youth group’s missionary trip to LA during spring break, and I really want to be with him as much as I can to build a better relationship and hopefully into something more.

But at the same time, I’m afraid to be in love because I’ve been rejected and lost my chances with people before to the point where I’m used to it, but if he didn’t return my feelings or I lose him to someone else, it’ll hurt more than anything before. I almost cried when I thought this one girl was getting closer to him or interested in him (idk if she is though) and when I wanted to invite him to this festival but he left before I could ask.

Every time I think of him I smile and my heart sometimes races (it did today), I feel so shy talking to him and panic when I send him a text, and all I want is to just talk to him as much as possible. I daydream about things I wish would happen between us, like picturing us having fun at the beach during spring break or him asking me if I’d join him to his prom (if he hasn’t had it yet), and I keep hoping and praying that they’ll come true. I can’t help but look at our messages (short conversations but still good) and want to text him.

I just want to experience something beautiful with him before it’s too late and he’s gone, and I lose my chance. These feelings keep eating at me and I want to satisfy them because it feels like a life or death crisis, and I over analyze and panic with anything involving him and...I think I’m madly in love with him.

ARGH I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM! What do you think, is this love or just a puppy love/regular crush scenario?