And I was promised to go see her before she left this world.. Promised. That promise was broken because a rooster fight and drinking was way more important than seeing and saying my last goodbyes to my grandmother. I feel like I'm dying.. And feeling this way has my baby kicking, knowing that I'm upset and stressing I'm probably hurting her. I'm so angry, hurt, emotional, and stressed. I'm always home alone, and never get to see my boyfriend because his father has him wrapped around his thumb... It hurt me so much when I called my boyfriend crying for the simple fact I knew he was gonna drink and what if something happened to him if he drove home? I was crying. And i heard his dad in the background tell him, "Hang up on that bitch. You're busy and need some. you time." Really? He always has his him time . ALWAYS. I'm here dying from the inside wishing he kept his promise that he would take me after he got off work to see my grandma... I'm so hurt. This isn't the first time.. I never got to see my last two friends and say my final goodbyes to them because he promised to take me and never did.

He didn't care.. all he told me was, "I'll see you whenever i decide to come home. Bye." I feel Like I'm not important anymore... We, as a family he wanted, never get to do anything together because his dad or his friends. He drops our plans for them. I want to leave. But i love him and my children don't deserve to be without a dad.. He left the first time and he came back wanting us to be a family but it doesn't seem like it matters now..

I told him I wanted to leave.. He said for me to try because all I'll do is change my mind and come back. i don't want to come back if i do.. I want to leave, but it wouldn't be fair on my daughter and unborn daughter. But i cant be with him anymore if he never comes home, and when he does he's either drunk or comes to change and leave. I tried talking to him but nothing changes.... I feel so alone, I just want somebody to hug me and tell me I'll be ok. I wont go too much in depth of our problems.. I just don't know what to do anymore....

I'm getting to the point where I can no longer cry anymore. I feel myself go under, and fade away from reality. I have no more fight in me. I try to stay strong for my kiddos, but depression is eating me alive.. All I want is comfort from him, I want to feel his hugs, I want him to kiss me, I want to hear the words "I love you" come from him. But nothing of that sort comes out from him.. I hurt with this pregnancy, I can't eat without it coming back up, I cry in the middle of the night because my body aches and I have a hard time breathing.. He never comforts me.. I never had his attention or his time before.. All i want is him to hold me because I'm losing everybody close to me... Nobody talks to me or tries to comfort me when I need to get alot off my mind.. What can I do to cope?..