It breaks my heart writing this but i feel as i i cant keep this to my self anymore.

Today Sunday 11th March also mother’s day I received the news which i know will change my whole life

Background info:

I am 19, i come from a strict muslim background, i have been born and brought up in the uk same as my boyfriend (22)who i have been in a committed relationship for the past four years, we are both each others first in everything. We live two hours away from each other and i see him nearly every week. In the middle of 2016 we both secretly done nikaah because we knew we were meeting up which was haram. Only my mother and cousin knows of this.

They tell me to pretend it never happened to avoid shame to our family.

I have pcos and have always told him how when we get married i want to have lots of kids and give them all the happiness we didn’t get, he also tells me how he cant wait to have me carry our blood.

We had difficulties at the start convincing our parents to let us get married as we both belong from a different caste but after so much time we have finally managed to convince them and both families have agreed on getting us married in two years!

I come home today from college and noticed that for the past 3 months my periods were regular but today i was 4 days late i ignored this thinking my period cycle is going irregular. I then started feeling nauseous and also noticed myself going to the toilet more often. Out of the blue knowing there’s nothing to worry but for my own satisfaction i took a pregnancy test, to my disbelief when it came positive i could not believe my eyes and thought it was an error i went to the chemist to buy another and when i saw that the new one was positive too, i cried my eyes out knowing that just as badly i want to keep the baby but because of this cruel society we live in and people like you who instead of supporting your muslim girls you lot shame them more by tarnishing there names by your stupid gossip- i will have to get it dropped! It hurts me like mad knowing that a women like me with severe pcos is finally blessed and because of all of you who make this society up I can’t keep my baby judge me all you want. I know that this man who i am with is not a stranger but my husband who I married. I can’t stop crying ever since i found out but it feels like that I don’t deserve to live in a society like this.

I do not care for what you all think but i had to get this out there because I know I am not alone and there are women like me who have had to face this sickening reality of shaming in our society

*Update*

I told my husband about my pregnancy, he wishes to keep it but with my consent also. We will be going to a doctor tomorrow to check how far into the pregnancy we are!

Jazakallah for your support sisters but this is something which is beyond me, i have lost all consciousness, on one side i see my family hurt and broken and on the other i see myself as a sinner for aborting, I genuinely do not understand what to do, i have not stopped stressing since finding out😢

What does islam really say on Abortion?

TO THE GIRL THAT ASKED FOR AN UPDATE ...

This post was posted in march and at the time i was 6 weeks pregnant going on to my 7th week, we ended up telling his mum that i am pregnant and instantly she wanted me to keep it seeing that it would be her first grandchild, she sat with me for hours telling me that she would support me and provide me with everything i need and get me married off properly within the next days! On the other hand my sister and mum had told me if I decided to keep it they would severe all ties with me and refuse to call me there daughter, But i honestly couldn’t imagine the pain my mum and dad would have to bear if my dad had found out that i had gotten pregnant my dad absolutely adores me and he would not have been able to cope with the shame and humiliation i would have put on him, I know that Allah SWT knows that my intentions were not wrong I couldn’t and would not have been able to live with the fact that i had not only hurt my parents but my whole family and it would have hurt me even more that my child would be growing up in a negative environment where i would not have been mentally stable to look after it and so therefore me and him decided to go for abortion, my oldest sister gave birth in September and I would have bee due a month later, i love her baby more than anything but everytime i hold her it pains me knowing that allah had also blessed me with a blessing which i let go! I am now in university i got into second year and I will be officially getting married next year with the man who has always stood by me, thank you so much for the support and advice, it pains me to see how harsh our society can be, may no one have to go through what i did😪