Mental health help..

Gina • FND Fighter ✊ Narcissistic Abuse Survivor 🤐 Jesus Follower 📖

Please, keep any negative or sarcastic comments to yourself because I'm still not 100%..

Yesterday I had a really bad panic attack. It was triggered by a flashback from my childhood. My husband said something exactly how my dad used to talk to my sisters and I and it triggered a series of terrible memories. My husband is in no way abusive or mean, it was just coincidence. He later apologized even though he didn't really have to.

I had to bathe my dog caked in black mud after just shampooing the carpets all day and I lost it.

I began crying which turned into sobbing. I began banging the wall in fits of anger and throwing water around as I bathed my dog. I finally got her dried and when I let her loose my husband came to the door asking if he could help and out of no way I screamed at the top of my lungs, "GO AWAY! GO AWAY!" and slammed the door. I didn't even want to react that way but I did. I was having a meltdown.

I sobbed more on in front of the bathroom sink when he opened the door and asked what was wrong. When I saw his face I broke down again and couldn't speaking clearly.

I was finally able to apologize to him and tell him I'm having a meltdown through heavy tears. Then my body began going numb and tingly. I had to sit down but I couldn't move. My husband helped me to the couch.

Then I began rocking back and forth and getting really fidgety with my hands. During panic attacks I sometimes clench my hands into fists or scratch myself.

🔝 from a previous bad panic attack. I scratched myself until I came to and was able to stop but my arm was sliced open. That was 3 years ago.

My hands clenched into tight fists and I couldn't open them. My husband had to slip his wallet between my fingers so I wouldn't dig my fingernails into my palm. My left hand began scratching and he held that hand.

I never felt so powerless and embarrassed. Even tho he's my husband I didn't want him to see that. I couldn't stop moving around, breathing very shallow breaths, and everything was tightening. This morning my hand had to hold something or else I began to feel anxious.

My question is.. If you experience anything like this what works for you to feel better afterwards? What do you do that helps you feel closer to 100%?

Thank you. I am not look for sympathy but actual advise. I'm going to counseling this Tuesday and my OBGYN this Wednesday.