The side effects of sexual abuse.

I remember.

I remember the nights that I wondered if this behavior was normal.

I remember the nights that I would toss and turn.

I remember running from my own home.

I remember how fast my life changed.

I remember thinking it was my fault.

I remember hating myself.

I remember so much.

I remember.

I miss it.

I miss the way our family used to be.

I miss the way my own grandmother would kiss me on the cheek.

I miss her wanting to spend time together.

I miss not feeling like a freak.

I miss how things were.

I miss it.

I don't remember.

I don't remember how to make friends.

I don't remember what it was like to have a father.

I don't remember ever having a seemingly "normal" life.

I don't remember my childhood.

I don't remember.

I don't want to remember.

I don't want to remember all that you did to me.

I don't want to remember the pain you engraved into me.

I don't want to remember the days I felt scared, but also felt like I couldn't do anything.

I don't want to remember the way you told me it was normal.

I don't want to remember the touching or the sexual comments.

I don't want to remember losing everything to you.

I don't want to remember not having a choice.

I don't want to remember.

I'm here.

I'm here one year later.

I'm here, I'm happy.

I'm here, finally myself again.

I've rebounded here.

I express myself here.

I am here. I've come so far.

I'm here.

I'm not.

I'm not who I used to be.

I'm not who I thought I'd turn out to be.

I'm not what I thought I was going to be.

I'm not the girl I was 2 years ago.

I'm not her.

I'm not.

I am.

I am stronger.

I am smarter.

I am grown up.

I am better.

I am me.

I am.

You won't.

You won't ruin it again.

You will not ruin my life ever again.

You won't get a lot from me.

You won't deserve it.

You won't be the same.

You will not.

You won't.

I will.

I will continue.

I will live my life.

I will decide if I want you in it.

I will wonder if it's worth it.

I will survive without you.

I will never need you.

I will be safe.

I will.

I am currently.

I am currently healthy.

I am currently moving forward.

I am currently a survivor.

I am.

I am currently.

~Erika Sackrider

Dear Girl Crush