Am I in the wrong?

Question

My husband is always the go to person with his side of the family. If something is broke they call him. If his brother needs a baby sitter he calls us. Basically anything and that is what family is for. But it’s interfering with our marriage. If we have plans he will push them off to help whoever needs It (family or not). And that is one of the things I love about him. But I feel like I come in second a lot. Date night got pushed back the other night cause his brother needed help putting trim down. His moms basement started flooding the one day so my husband had to drop everything and run over there. 
Today we were supposed to get some wood for the desk we are building when I was done work. Well a minute before I was done work his brother calls and asks if we can pick up our niece from school. She wouldn’t have been stranded if he couldn’t have picked her up lol he would have found someone else. My husband said yes. So our plans got pushed back. I just said never mind we don’t have to go today. My friend tells me I’m in the wrong here cause it’s family. I just wanted an outside perspective, thank you in advance!! Maybe I am wrong 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

Answer

I really get where you’re coming from. My partner is such a good son, brother and friend. It’s part of what attracted me to him, however it has definitely caused a strain in our relationship. There needs to be a balance. If it’s an emergency and didn’t happen all the time I am sure you’d understand but putting down trim? Come on. Your husband needs to set some boundaries with his family.

Answer

You could try talking to him about how you are feeling like you are always put second. Would this family be there for you guys if you needed them to drop something and help? My fiancé and I are both big with our families and always help when we can.. so I know it can get frustrating. But our families would also help us at the drop of a hat

Answer

my SO is a bit like that, but for work. so we had a talk and now things have been better. some people don't know how to say no and it's healthy for them to learn to do that.
(not saying he shouldn't give them the help they need, it's just about setting healthy boundaries)

Answer

I can see it from both angles but it seems like non-emergency stuff can wait. Trim versus flooding. One can wait, sounds like boundaries need to be established

Answer

He needs to prioritize. There are things that need to happen right away, & there are things that could happen the next day or week. It is NOT APPROPRIATE to bail on plans with you day-of to do things like put trim down. That is not time-sensitive. He's doing a favor, so his family member can receive that favor at a time that's convenient for him (& you).

Answer

Leave and cleave. Aka wife is family. Kids are family. Everyone else is extended family now. I know the feeling, I had my brother in law pull a totaled clunker into my driveway for my husband to fix.. what a nightmare. Someone stranded? Called him. Someone arrested? Call him. 
I said no more. And it took some adjusting, but he needs to set boundaries.

Answer

You're not in the wrong, that would irritate me to no end, I would talk to him

Answer

I swear you have just described my SO. I have learned that I need to make fixed plans with him if something is important to me because then he has a reason to say no to his family. If we had date night something would come up every time and it would get delayed, if we are seeing the 7:30 movie after dinner at a specific restaurant the plans are fixed enough that he will say he’s busy. Planning this way has also forced me to be aware of which plans are actually important to me and which ones I don’t mind him dropping to go help out.

Am I in the wrong?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey