Before I start getting a ton of hate, please understand that everything disgusting you’re going to think of me, I’m already thinking about myself right now. Anyway, here’s my story.

I’m your typical 16 year old, I do sports, I model, and I’m fairly happy with my life and self confident and I’m not being cocky at all when I say this, but I’m known as one of the “hottest girls in the school”, especially since I’m a well paid model. Also, before we get into this, yes I’m sexually active.

A few months ago, one of the popular senior basketball players ( an extremely large, muscular guy) showed up at my house around midnight, demanding that I come outside or he would wake my parents up and tell them that I was trying to sneak him in. I went, out of fear, and this is where it all began. First, he asked me flat out to have sex with him and tried to seduce me from there. When I told him no, mainly because I was in a relationship, he got angry, grabbed me by my throat to where i couldn’t breath with one hand and groped my body all over with the other. After I finally got away, I told him to leave and he did. However, he began trying to come to my house even more. My boyfriend at the time and I broke up eventually and I was so sick of the guy bothering me that I thought maybe if I gave a little of what he wanted, he would leave me alone. I willingly gave him oral and after that didn’t hear from him for a while so I thought it was over. It wasn’t. About a month and a half later, he came around again and I just attempted to ignore him. I’m now talking to someone who I absolutely adore and would never put myself in a situation that could possibly make me lose him. Therefore, I wouldn’t even respond to the “come outside” messages I would receive almost every day. About a week ago, I got tired of it and wanted to confront him. He knew I was home alone before school (we live near eachother) and sent me the “i’m on my way to your house” message. shortly after, I saw him at my door. I opened it and immediately started to explain that I would not do anything sexual with him and this had to end, I have someone. He responded by forcing himself into my house, pushing my legs out from under me so I fell, took his pants off while holding me down, and shoved his dick down my throat. I could barely breathe and no matter how much i begged him to stop or literally cried, it did no good. he laughed, mocked me, and even told me that he would’ve made me have sex with him if he had a condom with him. he forced himself on me until he came while holding my head down, giving me no choice but to swallow it. after that he immediately ran out of my house and sent me messages begging me not to tell anyone what he had just done. I’ve done nothing but cry about this and in some ways blame myself. His reasoning is that since I willingly did it once before, he had a right to make me do it again. I just feel so dirty and low down. I feel like I betrayed my boyfriend even though I gave no consent. I feel like I deserved this, and that I don’t deserve to live. I want to tell someone, but I feel like it isn’t even serious enough and I’m overreacting. Is this considered sexual assault?

**UPDATE**

I told my boyfriend who in turn threatened to tell my mother if I did not. I’m refusing to go to the police, but am getting psychological help to process this. My boyfriend was extremely angry and hurt and I haven’t heard from him since 2 am when he left to go to his friend’s house. Please be praying for that situation, I’m extremely worried. Also, I’m totally overwhelmed with the support I received from this post. Thank you all so much, I will update as possible.