9 days late, then your heart is crushed

Why in the heck do I ever allow myself to build up hope? It's a sick joke. Even with a recent diagnosis of PCOS my periods have never in my life been late more than 2 to 3 days late, and even those times I can count on one hand. I can usually rely on AF being on time, usually clockwork. Except for the not ovulating due to higher testosterone levels (sounds awesome 😧). Had atypical symptoms, fertile looking cm all the way up to AF arrival... I'm so confused with myself and my body. I wish I could just forget that a baby is something that I ever wanted and just be ok being a "dog mom" and a childless couple, date night's never including babysitter coordinating... Husband isn't on board with using medications to help ovulate, especially if there is increased risk of multiples 😭 Trying hard to stay positive and focused on the good in our lives but man does this suck so freaking much!!! I pray we all get better news and results this year, and at the very least, the strength to cope ❤ End rant. 💔