So for awhile I’ve had depression and anxiety. (Not officially diagnosed) And it does make life a lot harder but it’s been bad but not BAD if you get what I mean.

Recently it’s gotten worse (like suicidal thoughts worse) and at first I didn’t really understand but now I’ve started putting the pieces together.

It all started when my friend told me she was about to kill herself. (That was awhile ago the first time it happened.) She told me I cried and we stoped her. (By we I mean my best friend and I) My friend doing that kinda made me think about and made it worse but it was still okay. But it went downhill when I notice how it hurt my best friend (let’s call her C) C was very hurt and I’ve always seen her as happy, she seemed almost prefect. But seeing her sad really hurt.

Two weeks ago she and I got way worse (I stoped caring) (She stoped eating) but we supported each other. She was still feeling awful probably because she still isn’t sure way and this is one of first times feeling like this. But I was getting better. I thought once I was better I could give her my full support.

Everything went crashing a week ago on Friday. I at a family friends house when my friend (the suicidal one (calling her E now)) texted me again about another one. I went full force trying to stop her after awhile she stoped responding so I told C so she could’ve to save her. While I was driving home (wasn’t ready to tell my parents when friends were there. Idk I was scared) I started getting really scared C told me she had to go to bed (kinda mad what if E died) so I ended up on telling my mom to stop E (so my mom could tell her mom)

After that I was scared for awhile my sadness got worse but by the end of the weekend it got better not as good but not really bad or anything. I went to school and noticed E was being distant all of the sudden I was worried she hated but knew that had to be my anxiety. Later that day when I got home she texted me.

I only told my mom and my family but like I had to, to save her. I mean I also told C but I thought it was okay as E was fine with it last time. But idk.

After reading those I started crying I felt really bad and I told C about it and I never cry in-front if people so I feel like she was really worried. My illnesses have gotten really bad and my friend C has as well and all I went is to hang out with her but she feels sick like her anxiety is making not want things I need to help to me. Like no more hugs no more sleepover no more coming to my house no more I don’t even know and she’s now not sleeping so she goes to bed early to try to sleep and I want her to be happy but I also want me to be happy.