Over the summer I went on a few dates with a boy (we'll call him Sean) and he wanted to have sex with me. He was insanely attractive and I wasn't a virgin so I figured why not. About a week after, we had still been going on dates, he told me it was all a lie and that he was just trying to fuck me up mentally. He said it was "all a mind game". That really screwed me up, but after a few months I decided to get back out there. Well, I had been talking to a guy I had never met on snapchat for those few months of recovery. He said he knew some of my friends, and they all said they knew of him too. We hung out one night, he got me to sneak out of my house. We were in his room and I don't remember anything from there really. I remember laying on my back with him on top of me having sex with me and me watching That 70's Show because he'd turned it on for us to watch. I don't remember giving consent but I also don't remember not giving consent. I think he used a condom, but I don't even fully remember that. Turns out he knew "Sean" and he'd been paid to hurt me too, I just don't know if he was supposed to have sex with me or not. I've had almost nightly anxiety attacks and one time about 5 months later I was having sex with my boyfriend of two months and had an anxiety attack during sex. I'm having all of the traumatic aftermath of a rape victim, I just don't know if I am allowed to call it rape because I don't remember if I gave consent or not.