4 months late 🙈

I’m finally writing this 4 months late. Mostly for myself so that I can look back and not forget a moment 💕

My pregnancy was HARD. I was pregnant with b/g twins and lost our boy at 26 weeks. Having to deal with that loss, continue to carry him, and have the worry of my girls health was emotionally draining. Since 12 weeks I was constantly feeling like I’d throw up, had migraines, and was so swollen that compression socks didn’t even help getting my shoes or pants on 🤦🏼‍♀️

I’m a middle school teacher and told my admin and HR my maternity plans pretty early (I’m a planner), but they put off getting a sub for me for SO long. Finally at 35.6 weeks on October 27 they assigned a sub to my class for when I started leave 3 weeks later! That same day I headed to my ob/gyn for my 36 week appointment. As soon as I walked in she says “wow your face looks fat, you are extremely swollen”. Mind you I’ve been asking to be tested for pre eclampsia since 20 weeks 🙄 she took my blood pressure... took it again... took it a third time and told me to call my husband because I’m getting in an ambulance and being sent to the hospital! She was shocked I drove there in the first place because my pressure was dangerously high.

Husband, MIL, and SIL all met me at labor and delivery and I was quickly checked in, triaged, and given a room. Because baby was still breech, my blood pressure was so high, and the demise of a twin I was rushed in for an emergency c section. It was so fast and surreal that it didn’t hit me that my baby was about to be there until I was in the OR about to get my spinal tap. I started shaking and hyperventilating and my amazing nurse calmed me down- breathing with me and assuring me that I could, in fact, do this.

During the c section I lost a ton of blood, which caused me to throw up multiple times and need a blood transfusion. Not being able to feel myself breathe also cause another panic attack and my nurse had to breathe in rhythm with me so I could know I was still breathing.

Elsie Jean was born at 9:59 PM at 5.9 and 18 inches long. She was so beautiful and my husband cried as she was pulled out and as he held her for the first time. He followed her to the recovery room, where I shortly met them.

Our team was beyond amazing, supportive, and compassionate. They dressed and wrapped our son in a blanket like any other baby and put him in his own heated bed. My husband and I both held him and celebrated and grieved his life. The nurses kept him in that room under the warm light our whole hospital-stay so we could see and hold him whenever we wanted.

That first night in the hospital as the three of us slept- exhausted from the day, I randomly woke up to look at my daughter. When I looked in to her bassinet she was blue and choking. I thank god I woke up as I was able to call the nurses and the resuscitated her. I felt so numb as I watched them do cpr on that tiny thing. I felt so helpless- I couldn’t keep my baby safe inside of me and now I can’t keep my other baby safe outside of me.

Between the scare of my daughter having a code blue, her being a preemie, losing a pound from lack of eating, and my blood pressure troubles we were in the hospital for a week (and the day we were discharged we went to the ER 5 hours later because we were scared first time parents 😂).

My pregnancy and birth was so hard, emotional, and crazy- but we are blessed to have a healthy baby girl with a brother to always look over her 💕

Sorry my post was so long- but so was our journey!

Here is our only picture as a family of 4 and a picture of my daughter on the day we took her home vs today