I’m very excited about my new passive aggressive clothing to wear to the hospital when I go in for my c-section. 5 years after having a bilateral mastectomy I have accepted that no matter how politely I remind people, how many notes are in my file or how many signs are on my door, I will still have nurses and lactation consultants sent to my room.

After hearing everything from “you’re going against the best interests of your baby” to “you can still breastfeed with implants” I am unable to maintain my composure when explaining that I don’t have breasts, at all, no nipples, no milk ducts, just big bags of chemicals that have no business in a baby.

I feel bad for the nurses who genuinely miss the door signs and the notes, mainly because their time is wasted and they feel uncomfortable trying to apologize. I hope that if they see my shirt it will stick in their mind and hopefully prevent an awkward encounter. If not at least it amuses my midwife and gives fair warning to those who make ignorant comments.