My relationship with my ex was turbulent from the jump. While I'm no Dr. Phil, I can say with certainty, my ex is not only a narcissist but a malignant one at that. He was verbally and emotionally abusive. He was antisocial and always isolating me from friends and family. He was paranoid, always looking around for a threat. He loved to remind me of my shortcomings and would blow up over the smallest of incidents... me not making pancakes right, driving wrong, accidentally breaking a kitchen spoon. I spent my life with him on edge at all times. nothing was ever just okay. He would flirt with other women and tell me about it and then call me nuts for being concerned. He would punch walls and break my stuff. Then he would love bomb me.. and all was forgiven. Finally he started cheating on me and it all clicked. I was done. But then he came back saying he'd kill himself if he couldn't have me back. He told me he was addicted to me and he would never love anyone the same. He told me he would get better when he made more money and to just give him a chance and he would marry me and we'd have kids, but only days after, he'd say marriage is a joke and he would never have kids, especially not with me because I'd be a spineless mother. I put up with him for years and he RUINED me. I will never ever be quite the same. when I left him for good, I felt like I had no heart. Love was a joke. I would lash back out at my ex angrily and he loved that he could make spineless old me do that. But I eventually befriended my amazing husband who has unwavering love for me. He is literally everything I thought didn't exist. He showed me God. But my ex has made the road for us very difficult. Early on he threatened to shoot my husband in the face. He threatened to take my car for disrespecting him. My husband and I got pregnant and I suddenly got a message from my ex the day I was being induced congratulating me on becoming a mother and saying I was gonna do a great job. I ignored it. But my husband was so sick of him he asked him to please never contact me nice or not. My ex responded by calling me a bitch and told my husband to be careful. He has just randomly contacted me through friends asking for odd things. most recently my icloud password. I found out a few days ago he hacked into my icloud. It has been 4 years and I'm so fed up! I want him out of my life. he's terrifying! do you think he will retaliate if I get a protection order? can I even be granted one? I'm just sick of him. Everything he put me through and he still violates my privacy and boundaries. Please give me some advice. He does have access to guns so the gun threat was terrifying and I should have sought help back then but I was scared he would really do something bad. Please, no judgement. He was my first love and while there were a few red flags I was a teenager and didn't recognize those things. He didn't get truly scary until I moved in with him in my early twenties.