I feel helpless, and in need of telling my story


I went to a date with a guy. Yesterday. I knew he was into rough stuff and that's kind of what made me go for it in the first place. When i was there i felt good. I had a glass of whine in my hand, cigarette in the other. Just a nice moment.

Then he started kissing me and before i knew it i was lying on the ground. My pants down, his pants down. At first i really liked it. He hit me, choked me, tied my hands up with his belt.

As it got harder i started thinking about other things, my exams, my sister, my own life and how i fucked up so much. He got me distracted enough most of the time, but him hurting me suddenly made me think about the times i hurt myself, the times i felt so bad that the only thing that made me feel better was inflict pain to myself.

I started crying, so hard. He hugged me but i was so scared, i don't even know what for. I didn't give him the chance to take care of me. I left. Full of bruises and marks. A place where didn't know where to go, trying to catch a train. As i got there i was almost calmed down. Until i missed my train. I was so lucky there was still one train. But the crying went on, so extreme. I've never cried like that in public.

Suddenly there was this guy sitting across me. He asked me if he could try to give his opinion. He really was the reason i didn't think about jumping in front of a train the entire time. Without us knowing. He saved me.

I thought i'd feel better after i slept, but i just woke up and i feel terrible. I'm so embarased. I feel so weak. I have no idea what to do. I have no one to share this with. All i ever got, are my own tears