I have no one to say this to so I thought I’d just write it here

In my last relationship I always felt used. For sex and sexual activity. I never felt special, I hated myself, always felt ugly and never was confident at all. I was made to feel like I was so low and like being myself wasn’t good enough. I thought I was Inlove. I was with this guy for just over 2 years. He showed bad signs from the very start but I was so blinded and never took notice. We started when I was 15 years old. At the 10 month mark, he cheated on me. The first time. I forgave him and thought he changed. Then he turned 18, went clubbing and cheated almost every single weekend. I was dumb and forgave him. Because I thought I loved him. I thought he could change. The relationship got so bad that I thought I deserved all that I got. He was so controlling. Wouldn’t let me out, not even to see girls. I couldn’t go to parties with my friends, even if he was going... but he would go and make me stay home in bed. He stopped me from wearing anything tight, including jeans without a long top or something covering my ass. He manipulated everything and after he cheated, he would turn it onto me and make me feel like it was my fault. Like I’m the reason for him cheating.

Recently I’ve started seeing someone and he makes me feel so beautiful and worthy. He makes me feel like the only girl in the world. Makes me feel confident and always compliments me. Genuinely interested in me, not my body. I connect with him so well

And now since seeing him, I can finally say I was not in love with my ex. It wasn’t love at all. He only wanted sex. Never cared about me, even when I was depressed and crying he still had the audacity to crack it at me for not wanting to have sex. And basically forced me into giving him head/hand so that he wouldn’t go off at me